


You are not the first

by Yukiuki



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Established Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/ Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-23
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-25 02:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30082167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukiuki/pseuds/Yukiuki
Summary: Jeonghan is stucked in an abusive relationship which he can not let go.Joshua and Seungcheol try to help as friends, but things are never simple. The closer they get, the more they realize how they can not live without each other.They love him,  but does Jeonghan have the same feelings for them ? Or it is just one-sided ?
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Kim Mingyu & Lee Seokmin | DK & Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	You are not the first

**Author's Note:**

> I will update this series in the meantime, please do check out my other work as "Please don't go where I can't follow".
> 
> If you love this, please scroll down to give kudo and maybe a comment to encourage me. Thank you.

Not waiting for the traffic light to turn green, Seungcheol has already sprinted from the pavement to cross the road. Fortunately, there were not many cars on the street so he could easily pass without trouble. He pumped into some strangers when he reached the other side, then he quickly bowed at them as an apology as he was in such a rush. 

\- Fuck, I'm late.   
He hissed while trying his best to reach the cafe which was a few blocks away from where he was running. Joshua called him a few minutes ago saying their friends had come already and were waiting for him. Shit, he promised he would never be late to any date, he would always be the one to arrive earliest, but only when they weren't during his workdays. His boss was always a pain in the ass. He made Seungcheol do more work which wasn't supposed to be his to do, and because he was one of the youngest workers there, he had no option to refuse. He has just got this job for a year, and being kicked out right now was never a good idea, especially when he and Joshua were currently in some state of difficult financial situation. 

He finally could see the cafe which was only a few inches from him. He slowly decreased his speed to catch some breath and walked forward to the cafe calmly. He looked up when he reached the place and immediately, he held his breath in: right at the door, there was a beautiful boy. From what he could see, he was wearing a pastel turtleneck sweater, along with long white pants, a white pair of converse shoes, adorned on top of it was also a white beret. He had blonde hair which was curled up a bit at the final with his cheeks flushed in this autumn weather. "Angel'', he unconsciously spoke out his thoughts while passing the boy, not until he lifted up to see Seungcheol that he realized what he had said. The strange boy smiled at him and mouthed a small "thank you" as he bowed down a bit. That was fucking beautiful. Seungcheol scratched his head in embarrassment and pulled the door open to enter, he didn't even try to say any excuse though, because well, that boy was really an angel. 

He came to the counter and ordered a cup of espresso. He looked around to find his table of friends and recognized Hoshi's dolphin laugh right away in the corner. He grabbed the reception and walked toward them. Welcoming him was a sassy dissing from Seungkwan and a loud "Hyung!" from their youngest. He smiled and casually greeted all of them:   
\- You're late, babe. (Joshua said)  
\- I'm sorry, the boss made me do more at the last hour and I had no choice.   
\- (His boyfriend sighed) Have you ordered anything ? Don't tell me it's espresso again.   
\- Oh well, you know me Shua. (He rolled his eyes and sat down near Joshua) It's an addiction.   
\- I just wanted to say caffeine is never good for your health. (Then he gave Seungcheol his handkerchief) Swipe your sweat, it's all over your face.   
\- Thank you babe. (He pecked on Shua's cheek only to earn a look from his friends)  
\- Excuse me you two love birds right there, (Hoshi said jokingly) we are RIGHT here for your information. Furthermore, there is a kid here, please keep your manner. (He then pointed at Chan who was sitting near him and snickered)   
\- Hey! I'm not a kid. I'm 18 already! (Chan huffed)   
\- Oh, then tell me, you "mature adult", why does your order have a kid's snack right there ? (Seungkwan took his turn to tease)  
\- Hello ?! You were there when I was ordering ? They gave it out free at the counter and I just took it. And "kid's snack" ? Everyone eats them!.  
\- Well, look around this table Channie. (Soonyoung gestured around the said table) We are like 10 people here and none of us took those.   
\- Oh! Shut it! Why are you all coming for me ?! (Chan exclaimed)   
\- Keep your voice low, kid. We are in public, not in a kindergarten. (Jihoon said while chuckling)  
\- Not you too, hyung! (He gave a look to Jihoon) Hyung, (then he turned to the couple) help me please ?   
\- Well, I'm on their side, Chan. (Seungcheol replied while trying to refrain from laughing) Oh, I meant kiddo.   
\- Oh my god! I hate it here! Bad people!   
Chan's sulky made his hyungs just laugh in fondness. Seungcheol loved it when they got the time to sit back and talk to each other, they are like a real family to him. He loved every moment they got to be with each other, and he appreciated those moments the most. He slowly crept an arm around Joshua's waist and laid it there, his boyfriend always smelt like cinnamon with mild mint, and really didn't want to sound like a creep but he actually loved to scent him a lot. Lucky for him, Joshua was his boyfriend so he didn't give too much care about it and just let Seungcheol do whatever he wanted.

He loved his boyfriend more than anything. He only wished to wake up every morning with Shua on his side and to him, that's happiness. 

Not a moment later that the waiter came and gave Seunghcheol's his said order. He took a sip and only when he looked around, he noticed that Seokmin wasn't here:   
\- Mingyu. Minghao. (He called out for Seokmin's boyfriends who were busy bickering with something on their own) Where is Minnie ?   
\- He got work, hyung. (Mingyu replied) Actually he just texted me and Myungho saying that there was traffic on the way and he would arrive late.   
\- Your boyfriend is such a workaholic huh ?   
\- Just like you hyung. (Mingyu shrugged) It was his dream job and we did not have the heart to tell him to stay at home. Even though two of us can afford anything for us.   
\- I swear I'm still being bothered by his thought, (Minghao stated firmly) "I don't want to lose behind you two, you are the best to me, and I want to be the best for you too", like, fuck it! We love him more than anything and he said that like we are slowly losing interest in him!   
\- We have already talked about this at home, Eisa. (Mingyu nudged his boyfriend) That's what he wants, we can't stop him. Let him do what he loves to.   
\- I know, but it just really didn't sit in with me. (Minghao sighed then crossed his arms).   
\- Me too, but we have no choices. (His boyfriend patted him gently on his hair) 

"The kids got some problems.", Joshua whispered to Seungcheol's ears, and as a reply, he just nodded. Seokmin was the bright sun of his group, he was a part of BooSeokSoon, and always managed to lift up the mood with his optimistic personality. But he had kinda low self-esteem Seungcheol would say, he could get insecure easily about things and sometimes could overthink over stuffs. Well, but what could he say though ? Everyone has two sides of themselves, and one side can be surprisingly different from the other. 

\- Guys!   
That cheerful voice, indeed Seokmin he swore. They all looked up to welcome him but all set to be still when an expected guest appeared beside Seokmin. That was the boy at the front door, Seungcheol was shocked to see him again, who was he ? Have Seungcheol met him and didn't remember him ?. He was there with Seokmin so apparently he must have some relation with the kid, damn it, he embarrassed himself before the blonde just a few minutes ago. Seungcheol could feel his face getting hotter at the presence of that angel.   
\- Um, hey ? (Soonyoung started) Is he your friend Minnie ? (And he directed to the blonde)  
\- Oh, yes, Soon. (Seokmin beamed and pulled the angel to the front) Here is Jeonghan, an online friend I met months ago. Introduce yourself, hyung. They are my friends. Don't worry.   
\- Hi, (The angel smiled shyly) I'm Jeonghan. Um, nice to see you all. (And he bowed down)   
Jeonghan ? Such a beautiful name for a look alike angel like him:   
\- Nice to have you here Jeonghan. (Joshua said gently) Have you got anything for yourself ?   
\- Ah yes, I already ordered at the counter with Seokmin. Thanks for asking.   
\- Wait a second, (Suddenly Seokmin frowned) I think I forgot to order mine.   
\- You were there with me ? (The angel turned to the sun) I thought you got yours already ?.   
\- I meant drink, Oh dang it. I only took the free snack with yours! (He exclaimed) I will be back hyung!   
\- But Seokmin, I-   
\- Don't worry, you will be fine. You will get along with them well soon, you are good. (He could see Seokmin smiling fondly at the angel) 

And Seokmin left right after. The angel stood awkwardly fidgeting at the hem of his shirt and not until Chan called out that he sat down:   
\- You can sit down here, Jeonghan, right ?   
\- Yes, I'm Jeonghan. (He pulled out the chair under the table and sat down gently) Can I ask what is yours ?  
\- I'm Chan. I'm 18. You ?  
\- I'm 23. (He fixed his hair a bit)  
The angel was the same as him and Josh ? Oh god, too many coincidences:   
\- Oh, we have two 23 hyungs here too. (Chan directed to the couple) Hyung, another 95 liner for you.   
Then Jeonghan looked to both of them with his big brown eyes, Seungcheol felt kinda naked under his look as he smiled politely:   
\- I'm Seungcheol.   
Oh, how he wished for the angel to not recall the incident, because he knew for sure his friends would never let go of any chance to tease him. And how would he explain to his boyfriend ? Damn it, he wished he could somehow rewind time and took back his words. Jeonghan, the angel, widened his eyes at him for a moment which he felt like an eternity has passed. He held in his breath, but then the angel smiled fondly at him:   
\- Nice to meet you Seungcheol. I'm Jeonghan.   
So he didn't expose Seungcheol, what a relief:   
\- I'm Joshua. (His boyfriend replied after giving him a look he didn't notice) You were born in 95 ?   
Jeonghan nodded, and then all the looks of curiosity turned to the angel:  
\- When is your birthday, hyung ? I'm Soonyoung by the way, you can call me Hoshi.   
\- October 4th. (He looked kinda flustered at the sudden enthusiastic)   
\- Isn't that the number of angels ? (Seungkwan pointed out) 1004 ?   
\- I guess,... ? (The angel fidgeted his hands while lowering his head down a bit)   
\- You are really beautiful, hyung. (Chan said from the side) You stunned me, you do look like an angel!   
\- Well, actually you have a good sense of fashion honestly. (Minghao quietly scanned the new guest)   
Jeonghan looked up a bit to see the owner of the new voice, then he averted his eyes to the table while looking rather flustered and panicked:   
\- Kids (Seungcheol called out sternly and everyone turned to him, even the beautiful boy). One by one, don't flood him with your questions. You all are making Jeonghan afraid. (Then he took a glance at him) 

The angle looked at him with his widened eyes and slightly gasping lips, he looked cute to be honest. The atmosphere be quiet for a moment before Vernon, the chill kid, broke the ice:   
\- Jeonghan hyung, we are sorry if we were too friendly, but honestly, that's how we always were. I just hope you won't hold a grudge on it, I'm Vernon anyways. Welcome to Seventeen.   
"That's my boy", Seungcheol smiled a bit at the thought. Vernon was only one year older than Chan, but he did act really mature sometimes:   
\- Seventeen,.. ? (He paid his attention to the angel again, this time, Seokmin was already back)   
\- Well, well. What's going on here ? (Seokmin took a free seat near Jeonghan and gave his boyfriends a reassuring smile)  
\- We are at the stage about explaining what Seventeen means to Jeonghan hyung. (Jun took a sip from his cappuccino)   
\- Seventeen ? (Seokmin looked at Jeonghan excitedly) Let me introduce it to you, hyung. (He gestured for his duo in the back)   
Well, we all knew where this was going, right ?. Seungcheol sighed, because this wasn't the first time that happened, poor the angel:   
\- You see that little man there hyung ?. (Their sun directed to Jihoon, lucky for him he was the bright sun) His name is Jihoon, but his stage name is Woozi.   
\- Woozi ? (The angel looked to Jihoon, who was trying to hide his face from embarrassment)   
\- Oh, shut up. (He said frowning with his ears were all in a red shade)   
\- Have you ever heard about producer Woozi ? The song "Home" ? "Cuz I'm your home, home, home, home" ? (He suddenly sang the melody)   
\- Seokmin! No! Stop!   
Jihoon was so near to throw hands when he grabbed the coaster, but then a soft hum stopped him and made him widen his eyes:   
\- "Eojjeogesseo, nan neoga eobseumyeon" (And the angel smiled, oh my god, that smile was so beautiful)   
\- You know that, hyung ?! (Chan exclaimed from behind the triplet)  
Only for Jeonghan to nod that Seokmin pulled him into a hug, Seungcheol looked to Seokmin's boyfriends to see them was in a stunt, and Minghao's gaze was already like a sharp knife right now (Seokmin could be so clueless sometimes):   
\- Yes, actually his songs are my favourite. (Jeonghan chuckled) Your songs are really good. (Then he turned to Jihoon)   
\- Oh, (Jihoon startled and replied shyly) thank you.   
\- Are there any songs you know besides "Home" ? (Soonyoung asked excitedly)   
\- (Seokmin released his embrace around the angel and looked at him expectedly) Well, "Run to you", "Campfire", "Without you", honestly I think I have listened to most of his songs. Oh, and I like "Still lonely" too.   
\- That's a really old song, (Jihoon finally said something) I've written it sometimes in my high school, and it wasn't that well known by my listeners. (Then he smiled, Jihoon rarely smiled toward a stranger, this was such a shock to everyone) It's my honor.   
\- You don't need to. (Jeonghan shook his head) I'm really happy to discover you and your songs. They always bring me good comfort and a warming vibe. You are doing good Jihoon ssi.   
\- (He chuckled) You can call me Jihoon, Jeonghan. No need to be so welcome. You are already a part of us now. 

Everyone was amused at the scene. It was the first time they ever witnessed Jihoon being like that. Being friendly was never Jihoon's cup of tea, he rather had an impression as a cold person than "a friendly puppy", as he stated:   
\- Let's introduce ourselves properly then. (Joshua clapped his hands and smiled gently) Welcome you to seventeen. (And he looked up to Jeonghan)   
Jeonghan stilled for a second before giggling cutely which made them all feel a tug of their hearts: 

\- Thank you, Seventeen. 

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

"Today was fun", Jeonghan opened the door to his apartment. He let out a deep sigh he didn't know he was holding in, he took off his shoes and put them on the shelf. His boyfriend hasn't been back yet, but he was always like that though. Jeonghan didn't really care. He went to their bedroom, stood in front of the mirror, and took off his sweater. There, right in the reflection, he was now a mess again. 

"You do look like an angel!", he remembered what they had said and he just laughed, "Angel" ?, not the first time he had heard it. He slowly rubbed his new bruises on the shoulder and the new still bleeding wound on his left arm. He hated wearing long sleeves shirts, especially in the summer, but showing off his messed up body was never a good idea. They did rub over his wounds, and made them sting, but it was still better than having people's attention on him. Being put on the spot was not his cup of tea. 

………….

After having taken a quick shower, he was now eating cereal in the kitchen, the fridge had no food in it except milk and rotten fruits. His meal was supposed to be dinner but it was close to the time when his boyfriend would be home, he didn't want to be hit and left starving like the last time again.

He sighed, this time, deeper, and more tired. That Joshua and Seungcheol boys seemed to be a great couple, they complimented each other a lot, and always gave other such loving eyes. Looking back at him again, Jeonghan's boyfriend and himself were nowhere near them. Their relationship was always filled with screaming, fighting and sometimes hitting were included, and Jeonghan was the loser all the time. He could fight back, but he didn't have enough courage to do that, he had loved him, but now ? Jeonghan didn't know. Sometimes he himself wondered, how did he manage to live 'till now ? They had been dating for one year and a half, but to him there was no happiness involved in. Jeonghan was always the one to suffer whenever his boyfriend was filled with rage and stress, every single time since the very first day. He did cry, he did plead, he did beg to be forgiven when he hadn't done anything wrong, but his words were not heard. The pain was always so clear, and so painful. 

Jeonghan had tried to break up with him in the past, but it just ended up he got hit again. There was one time he was lying lifelessly on the floor, and was cowering himself from all the punches. It was hurt as fuck, and he was bailing his eyes asking for a stop, but his words were brushed off. He went to work the next day with his face being covered with bandages and so was his back. His right ankle was not in the best condition after what happened so he was humping to his workplace. Jeonghan's colleagues offered to help him but he could not risk being caught by his boyfriend so he turned down all the help, because their jobs were near to each other, only a few blocks away. If he was caught, being left starving was kinda fine because he already got used to it, but getting hit by the baseball bat was such a nightmare. The wounds were never that easy to heal, and it always stinged even when you were sleeping. You could not have a proper position because only one small thing went wrong, the wound would open up again. And it took him like forever to apply the aid on them. 

He felt like he was a rubber doll with no emotions, why did you need emotions when they were always put aside as just decorations ?. He did ask for help too, but they all went in vain, he was still hurt, and the pain seemed to escalate everytime. He wondered, what if one day he would die with him lying on the floor and blood all over his body ? It would not happen right ?. But who could tell what would happen in the future ?. If it was his fate to die, then at least he should be grateful to be set free from this hell. 


End file.
